The time i shed a tear

nope, i was not feeling sad about anything. i would shed a tear (or maybe tears) when something really touches my heart. which don't happen very often because just like the winter, my heart is quite a stoner.

after a very tiring day of class and lecture today, i settled back in my room. Just to relax my mind, i turned on Sex and the City. season 4, episode 2 - The Real Me. There was this part, where Carrie Bradshaw was being a model in this fashion show. She was walking through the runway when she suddenly fell down which was a major embarassment, of course. But she got up because, as she said 'when real people fall down, they got right back up, and keep on walking,'. That part struck me, i mean Sex and the City is not where you can find any moral value, but i shed a tear at that part!

not that i am having any 'fall' at the moment, but it struck me that maybe my biggest fall was that i never dared to do things i have always wanted to. for example, in school last time, i had always wanted take part in sports day. but i did not - because i felt that i run too slow, that my big flabby thighs shakes when i run which looks awful and that maybe i would look funny. so every year during sports day, i will be at home.

and i never dared to approach guys, because i feel that i am not hot or pretty or in any way attractive. so i can say in my entire high school life it is just me being pathetically under my comfort blanket. i just never dared to take the risk. every time when i go out with my girl friends and we'll go out with some guys, those guys will be interested in Vero, Nat, Cindy, Joslyn, Manda but never me! never Pearly!! nobody wants my number! i guess Pearly does not seem as lovely as her name sounds.

and i will not take credit for Jonas. first, he chased me. and second, maybe he did not wear his contact lenses or something when he saw me the first time. i still do not know now.

another thing, i really love dancing. at home i would always put on some hip hop aerobic dance and just dance away in the living room. i dance in the toilet too, haha. but the time i actually danced in public - i can count it with one hand. but the shots I'd had to take to dance in public maybe i can count it with two hands.

and also the others - debate, competitions, this this that that. i missed so many good chances!
but right now, i am going to be like Carrie Bradshaw. i will not dwell in my fall. I will get right up and keep on walking. I will stop thinking about what other people think about me, because what matters most how is how I feel about myself.

as the saying goes -
The greatest accomplishment is not in never failing, but in rising again after you fall.’
— Vincent Lombardi